just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
