i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
