I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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