Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
