u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
