Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
We're facebook friends in real life
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize