On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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