She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize