Your dad touched me again.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
