I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
