She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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