My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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