i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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