I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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