Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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