its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I can text with my tongue
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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