I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
