Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I got chris browned last night
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
