You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Send help, water and tortillas.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
