Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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