He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
