Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
