Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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