paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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