I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
