I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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