Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
