she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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