I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
