hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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