I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
