My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The chlamydia really affected his face.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
