you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
