i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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