why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
