I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
