There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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