I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
