I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
