i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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