I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
