I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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