He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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