Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
