I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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