I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
