I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
