Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
