I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
