Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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