I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
