he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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