Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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