I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
