Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
