Just fell off a train. Bad.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
