I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
