I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
