How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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