he wants to bone in the snuggie
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I party with great urgency now.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
