She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
