Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
