I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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