I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
