Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
