I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
