Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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