Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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