I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
