it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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