Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
