I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize