It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You're a waste of cheezeits
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
