im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
