Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
