Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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