i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
