Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
