I skipped work to stalk him.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
