It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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