i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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