SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he puts the penis in happiness.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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