we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
