Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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